In the news: Bush Appoints Bolton During Senate Recess

Washington (August 1) -- President Bush announced this morning that he is appointing John Bolton to the post of US Ambassador to the United Nations while the Senate is in recess.

Said President Bush, "it's high time we get on with the important work of defeating and destroying the United Nations. This position calls for someone who knows how to be a turd in the punch bowl. With his extensive credentials in this field, John Bolton is exactly the right man for the job."

"It's an honor to be chosen, Mr. President," said Bolton. "I am eager to get to New York and put my experience to work creating obstructions, diversions, and throwing world-class tantrums."