Tuesday, September 27, 2005

I hate my handwriting

I hate my handwriting.

I am left-handed. While that is yet more evidence of my genius, it is also a pain in the ass. I don't think I have to tell you all of the ways in which the world caters to right-handed people (or as I call them, "little folk") at the expense of us lefties (or, "winners"). Cars, three-ring binders, guns...all designed for right handed people.

Oh, another thing designed for right-handed people? Writing. At least in English. I blame the English language for my awful handwriting. It's not just that it isn't neat, it isn't cool.

Some people have really cool handwriting, you know? They write letters, or notes, and they look cool. No matter what they say, I tend to think the author is cool if they have cool handwriting. Naturally, the opposite is true. Since my handwriting is crap, what I write has to be twice as cool to counter the perception created by my handwriting that I am a huge doofus.
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
I would love to send handwritten notes to people! Isn't it great to get a nice handwritten note? Doesn't it make you feel good? With my handwriting, the coolness is sucked out and taken to a remote undisclosed location. I try to write a note, and it looks like a five year old got into the pens. Handwriting matters! It is the packaging material for your thoughts and ideas! How excited can you be about a gift if it comes wrapped in an air sickness bag? "Thanks, man. I already hate it."

So what I'm saying is this: bad handwriting stands between me and being a better communicator, a better friend, a better human being.

Please, don't ask me to write the number eight. Forget it. I need at least 3 chances at it. If I have to fill out forms, I always try to grab a spare, because chances are, I'll fuck up the first one. I've changed my phone number twice to get rid of eights. Naturally, my social security number has an eight in it. My birthday has two. That's why I didn't write this sooner-- it has eights in it.

14 Comments:

At 10:39 AM, Blogger Dan said...

I'm left-handed too, which means I'm smart enough to understand your point of view and compassionate enough to sympathize.

Know what I hate? Signing my name!

I can't do it the same way twice! I'm surprised I haven't been arrested for forging my own signature on checks.

When you become famous and have to sign autographs, get a stamp. Trust me.

 
At 11:48 AM, Blogger k said...

as unofficial spokeswoman for the "little folk" i just have to say that i love lefties.

freaks though you are.

and Ish, i think you have the handwriting of a fascinating, introspective intellectual.

that or a serial killer.

 
At 11:57 AM, Blogger Ish said...

See, this is *just* what I'm talking about.

Introspective intellectual or serial killer.

Can't I be both?

 
At 12:02 PM, Anonymous sweetone said...

i'm left-handed and i have good handwriting!

but to add to your list of how the world caters to righties:
-- hot water faucets (always on the left)
-- grapefruit spoons
-- pie/cake knives
-- ink that does not dry immediately upon touching paper

 
At 12:26 PM, Blogger Dan said...

Did you make the picture of your handwriting larger?

It didn't help.

But being a lefty, I could read it surprisingly well.

 
At 7:54 PM, Blogger JenL said...

I'm a left-handed freak too and proud of it. My handwriting's not half bad either. The worst part for me was when I learned as a fourth grader (when we were finally allowed to write in pen) that I couldn't use Erasermate pens because the ink always smeared.

Other products that are problematic:
can openers
butter knives
serrated bread knives
the collapsing mechanism on baby strollers

And I could read your writing just fine.

 
At 12:51 PM, Blogger Mandy said...

You say your handwriting is neat: this is false. I would call that handwriting near illegible.

I'm one to talk. I can't even really write cursive (I mean, I know how, but it takes like an hour to write a note such as this one) and my print is of comprable legibility to your non print. Also, I don't have the lefty excuse.

 
At 1:21 PM, Blogger k said...

p.s. cute photo.

 
At 4:27 PM, Blogger  said...

Hi Ish. I'm a reader of Kristy's blog. I'm also a fellow Lefty. :) I LOVE being a lefty, both of my parents are lefties, which makes me a "Purebreed" and my sister a "Mutant" (Righty). Anyway, I took a class in graduate school on diversity, everyone had to present a topic, some were about things like Multiple Sclerosis, being an Immigrant, and things of that nature. I chose lefthandedness. Brought my lefty items in - okay my item, a pair of scissors - and then brought some righty items in to pass around. There is so much stuff designed for righties that at this point we dont even know what is what - for example, i can only use a can opener right handed b/c thats our only option...anyway, enough blah blahing, just wanted to say a)i can relate to how hard it can be and b) i can relate to how AWESOME it can be! :)

 
At 1:50 PM, Blogger stacyo said...

What about coffee mugs? You know the cute ones with images on them? (OK, so you probaby don't have bugs bunny or felix the cat mugs like I do...) But they are made for righties. You have to drink the coffee with your right hand or you can't see the image. It's been a pet peeve of this lefty since I've been buying coffee mugs.

And while your handwriting is not exactly the prettiest, i was certainly able to read it. One day I'll show you how I hold my pen. Why do I hold it that way? Because the teachers walking behind us as they showed us how to hold a pen in FIRST GRADE said under their breath as they passed me: "oh, she's a lefty. keep going." As in: We're too stupid to know how to tell her to hold her pen like a NORMAL person, so just let this FREAK do what she wants.

Public education. Gotta love it.

 
At 3:51 PM, Blogger Sydney said...

I can't read my own handwriting. Which can be bad. So I try to record anything really important in outlook. Because if I forget what it is, I'm screwed.

 
At 7:55 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Ish

I have been printing since college and when I tried to write something incursive recently, I discovered that 1)I had forgotten how to make most letters except for the t,e,l,i,... you get the picture there and 2)I physically couldn't do it.

Now Charlie wants to learn how to write in cursive and I am thinking, "Me too! Get that first grade teacher of yours moving, because I need to learn!"

Love KAC

 
At 6:29 PM, Blogger Ish said...

Okay, MORE about handwriting: it so happens that I love to write in pencil. LOVE it. Pens suck. Mechanical pencils are okay, but man! A real Ticonderoga #2? That's a thing of beauty.

The downside being that as you drag your hand back and forth over the page, the page and your hand both turn gray.

 
At 6:29 PM, Blogger Ish said...

Hi, KAC! Thanks for stopping by!

 

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