In the News: Bush Administration Strikes Back at Critics of Disaster Relief Efforts

(Note: I write fake news stories. This is one of them.)

WASHINGTON (September 6)— The Bush Administration has begun to strike back at critics of its handling of the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina.

Speaking aboard Air Force One in Mobile, Alabama yesterday, President Bush voiced his support for the job being done by Michael Brown, head of the Federal Emergency Management Administration (FEMA).

“Brownie, you’re doing one heck of a job. Unless I miss my mark, I’d say someone’s bucking for a promotion to Supreme Court Justice.”

Back in Washington, White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan said he wanted to “set the record straight” on Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice’s actions as the crisis began to unfold last week.

“Some people have said that Secretary of State Rice showed insensitivity by buying shoes and seeing Spamalot during the immediate aftermath of Katrina. But the fact of the matter is, the Secretary had been planning to see Spamalot for weeks. Those tickets are hard to get these days. And Dr. Rice had already been looking for strappy black sandals with a slight heel for at least a month,” said McClellan.

“Keep in mind, too, that Secretary Rice already has a debacle of her own in Iraq,” said McClellan.

McClellan also sought to counter the perception that the President’s response to the disaster lacked empathy.

“The President was touched by what he saw when he visited New Orleans last week. In fact before taking off [to return to Washington], President Bush ordered that all of the pretzels, peanuts and soda be taken off Air Force One and distributed to the needy.”

McClellan then turned to critics of the Administration’s apparent lack of preparedness for Hurricane Katrina. Detractors have criticized the Administration’s lack of leadership in responding, as well FEMA’s inability to act quickly in delivering aid in the aftermath of the hurricane.

“I don’t think there is any way the President could have predicted this disaster without reading or watching the news, which as you know he does not do at the ranch. Likewise, there was no way that the President could have known that FEMA would be a bad place to stick a crony who had been fired from running horse shows.”

“And let’s not forget,” added McClellan, “that the President has been distracted by the enormous effort that has been required to ignore Cindy Sheehan.”